peace…

I need peace right now that surpasses all understanding.  As my soul longs for something to help resolve the bitterness and frustration that dwells deep within it.  I long to be authentic with these feelings but once again feel that only bad will stem from being open about the struggles.  I long to live life with people in an open way and work in a place that allows that type of authenticity but that is yet to take place.  I must cover up the reality of who I am to appease those who are around me.  I have to speak tomorrow night at the Gathering once again and I have no clue what to speak on.  My heart is lost and confused and I don’t know what I could possible offer to these students right now.  Thankfully I do have a wonderful support system that does allow me to be me even in the difficult times.  Thank you Ruth, Ant, Sarah,(to name a few) for allowing me to be real with the struggles and frustrations that I face sometimes on a daily basis.  For some reason my heart cannot let go of the frustrations.  I have no clue what to do or where to go from here.  So please Lord, grant me peace that surpasses all understanding.  Trying to make sense out of all the lies and deceit that I see on a daily basis will never make sense so please fill in the gaps.  I know I’m not perfect and that is why don’t don’t preach integrity like some I know.  Cause face it, if you call that integrity then I hope I have no integrity at all!  Fill me up Lord, Please!